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left hvnded

i Refuse, i Refuse, i Refuse!

Published 10 days ago • 1 min read

​

"you're kind of punk rock, aren't you?"

with a smile on her face

i smiled at my boots instead of looking into her eyes

​

my boots have been a major point of contention

strangers confident to ask me why i would wear them if -

and they point to the blazing sun as if it hasn't darkened my skin to the deepest tone

i've ever seen

or they look up from a temperature widget on a phone Steve Jobs

wouldn't have recognized as a lost generation distant from his first brain children

​

the laces are from Walmart

which has become a place of comfort

i buy face wash and plantains and pop-tart ice cream sandwiches

my boots took me through the museum dedicated to Sam Walton

i felt welcomed there

but it was only temporary

​

assimilate

is what the question quietly whispers

each step firmly pressing 'no's into the ground

i see others wearing the same but

my size makes the impression deeper

and that's why they ask me

but not the girl who compliments me on them in the cafe who is 4 inches shorter

lighter than a paper bag

and has hair that has never seen a hot comb, falling on kind shoulders

​

i can buy wigs and shea butter on the corner

blue magic isn't a smell not a spell to me

but i know that many see me and don't want me here

and that is why i stay,

Addie LaRue's spirit of feminine spite

is in my laces

​

i scream the lyrics to Misery Business in the karaoke room,

i teach my friends that

Cobain was a victim of fame and his childhood, that

Teen Spirit was a deodorant brand.

i go to the library

Nova Twins makes the bass in my car rattle so much I can feel it

and the word LETHAL stretches across my chest

when i put on my favorite jacket

i love jazz enough to know Kenny G's hair routine-

Patene,

and mumble French sounding nonsense along to Stromae

but all they hear is a bass when i drive by

and i know they look but don't see

​

lethal means you might lose your life, but if you are careful and heed warnings

you will survive

deadly means your choice is made for you, but the amount of time between the two depends on you

​

"I am."

​

​

left hvnded

i go by many names, but you can find me most places online as left hvnded. i contain multitudes and so do you.

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